Singing Thoughts
by Elena Goodday
Summary: (I changed the title again because it doesn't fit! It's not just because of the CD horo bought!) It's about the theme songs of the characters in Shaman King. Chapter 6 up! YOH AND HAO!
1. It's so much easier to run

Lo people. You see, it's not really a fic. It's just a song fic. I made before my real first one. Please have pity, just a newbie here. I picked this song of Linkin Park called "Easier to Run". It's about what HoroHoro thinks when he was still at the shaman fight, and the thoughts were coming back to him. The song was really related to it (and I love Linkin Park!!!!!!) so I picked it. This is also the theme song for the upcoming fic... I'm kind of a weirdo, because I'm putting theme songs on my fic then...  
  
(Still preparing for the fic…)  
  
Note: It's better to read if you have the meteora album.   
  
Disclaimer: Dung… do we always have to tell you that we DO NOT own shaman king?????!!!!  
  
~HoroHoro's POV~  
  
What a sunny morning… Good thing I decided to take a walk in the park, or else I'll have to help clean up the onsen. Or maybe getting beaten up by the itako. Just thinking about her makes my hair stand on the end. I just don't understand why did she have to say that she likes me? Girls… really. I shook my head.  
  
The other bright side too was I brought my precious CD player with me, with the new album I bought just yesterday. I listened to it yesterday, but then, I need to clean up the onsen again. It was such a great album. My head was rocking so hard when I listened to it. Yoh, my friend from the onsen and the fiancé of the itako Anna, thought I was going crazy and all. They just don't understand how I idolize this band so much.  
  
I continued to listen. I put on track 6. Suddenly, an unmistakably familiar feeling hit my stomach. I knew this feeling before as I listened to the song…  
  
"Easier To Run"  
  
It was like I was going back to the past I feared… the past that hurt me so much… the one who put these wounds beneath my skin which still lives deep inside my heart… that time cannot even heal…  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
I can see the time where I got defeated by Yoh… How Hao insulted us at our first meeting… the moment I felt the feeling of the lost soul possessed me to become a vampire… another offensive point where the leader of the Sabasu team told me that I was too young to become the Shaman King… Yume, telling me that she already had a fiancé… the time my twin brother told me that Yume didn't like me for being too foolish and too carried away by my emotions for her… the fight between Hao's team and Elly with the Lily Five and the way Hao attacked her… the moment I realized that I don't know what to do anymore the time I was too powerful to handle myself… how I hurt Kororo's feelings for me… the Nyorai girl telling me that I could never defeat Yoh… Hao killed himself… it was just too much for me…  
  
Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)  
  
I could sense that feeling again… the feeling that I could just wish I controlled the situation… I wished Yume just loved me… I wished I could beat Tao Ren or even Yoh… I wished I hadn't hurt Kororo's feelings… I wished she hadn't turned away… ran away from me…  
  
I thought what I really wanted to do… if only I could change the time on my own will… if I could change everything that I wanted to…  
  
[Chorus]  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something more  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
I wished I didn't become a shaman… if I didn't become a shaman; I wouldn't experience these wounds continuing to bleed inside me… I wouldn't have to meet her… I wouldn't have to meet anybody that could hurt me… It was too much to take… It was too easy to give up… to run… to go away and never come back… never say good-bye… I wished I just disappeared… I have no chance of meeting anybody… death, friends, injuries… or maybe worse… love for someone who has a fiancé… I wished I could have just died by the coldness inside me… totally… but she gave me warmth… even though she already had my twin brother for a fiancé…  
  
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past  
  
I remember everything I don't want to remember… I wished I was a loner… nobody to care of or nobody to care for me… I can bear a physical injury but I can't take anymore pain that stabs the insides of me…  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)  
  
If I could only just change time I would… If I could have to forget everything I would… Not to feel anymore that I felt I would… If I could just heal the pain I would…  
  
Just washing it aside  
  
All of the helplessness inside  
  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
  
It's so much simpler than change  
  
It was all her fault then… she gave me strength to stand up to everything… even though she already had a fiancé… she does love me… but I wasn't her first love… she stood up for me… I don't why she does that for me… she gets angry with me because I was telling her that she shouldn't care for me because she already had a fiancé… worse is it was my twin brother… Yume… why do I have to meet you… but there was another girl that cared for me too… among all of them I chose her…  
  
[Chorus]  
  
It's easier to run  
  
Replacing this pain with something more  
  
It's so much easier to go  
  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
It's easier to run  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)  
  
It's easier to go  
  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)  
  
The song ended. I could feel the surroundings around me. I thought I was traveling back time, but the song carried me away. A feeling added up to my thoughts. About her… not Yume… but her…  
  
Then I just felt hot tears on my cheek. I was REALLY too carried away. I need to get back on the onsen. If someone saw me crying here, they'll be thinking I was a nutter that just went out from the mental a minute ago. I walked back to the onsen until someone poked me on the shoulder.  
  
Uh-oh… I thought. Somebody saw me. Dung. I need to turn around or else that someone will be poking me again…  
  
I turned around. I saw her… Tamao Tamamura, standing in front of me.  
  
"Hello!" she greeted me happily. I blushed then I just remembered that I agreed with her that she'll be my girlfriend.  
  
"Hello," I greeted her back.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked. "Getting away from Anna-sama?"  
  
I saw her smirk. I narrowed my eyes to her in a how-did-you-know way. She smirked more than ever. "Well, I just came here to tell you," she started once more, her smirks fading slightly. "That I'm bound to go somewhere…"  
  
I looked at her. It was like she was crying. But she was trying to hide it from me… "C'mon. You can't hide the tears forming in your eyes…" I told her. I patted her back.  
  
"Are you going to miss me?" she asked me, looking into my eyes. She was actually crying.   
  
"Of course I do," I replied. I hugged her. I can feel her shrinking on my own arms. She was like water, something you could touch but couldn't hold much better. She was fading away…  
  
I let go of her. She smiled up to me, still crying a bit. "I wish we could see each other again…" she told me. Then she kissed me. (On the lips for sure!) Kissing was a better idea to forget my mind on those thoughts, but she was going to go away. My insides hurt more than ever.  
  
"Good-bye," she whispered to my right ear.  
  
"No. It's 'see you'," I corrected her.  
  
"Well, it's all the same, right?" she smiled at me. She walked away. She turned back and waved. "Be sure to take care of yourself. If something happens to you, I'll die…"  
  
"I know how to take care of myself," I told her. She smiled again and walked away.  
  
I felt empty… so empty. I can't feel anything. I was dying.  
  
I realized I was putting my headphones back. Time to listen to track 6 again…  
  
~end of HoroHoro's POV~  
  
That's all. Wish you enjoyed it… I'm not up to angst that much. 


	2. I've become so numb

I made another one. This time it's about what Yoh felt when he listened to the song named "Numb" by Linkin Park. (You guessed it!! I love Linkin Park!!!!!!) The song really suits in. I don't know if the chorus does… I haven't got reviews for the previous song really, because most people don't have any Meteora album and it's not yet out yet. But I think Numb is out now. (Maybe just here still in Australia???)  
  
Here it goes…  
  
One more note: It's better to read if you listen to the song.  
  
~~Yoh's POV~~  
  
Heck. HoroHoro got away again, and he left me here again. Now, I'm the only one who's going to clean the Onsen!!! Nobody's coming to help me here. Manta's having his boarding test, Ryu's visiting Lyserg at England, Ren is training more often, Chocoluv is still having his comedy shows in America, Lyserg is still studying being a detective, Tamao is away to visit her dad, Pilica is staying at Hokkaido and HoroHoro is too good to get away from Anna as soon as possible. I sighed. What now?  
  
Then I heard Anna's voice telling me to clean the household.  
  
Anna: *shouting* Yoh! Start cleaning now!  
  
Yoh: But we only cleaned the house yesterday!  
  
Anna: Well, it's dirty again! Just look at the mess those idiots had done. They partied here yesterday, and they didn't clean it. So get going now!  
  
It's no use to protest now. It's true, we partied here last night. Of course, HoroHoro was the noisy center of the party. Ren just looked at us partying. Chocoluv even joined too, before going to America. Everybody was there. But nobody dared to clean it. That's why I'm sweeping the floor right now. I need to wipe the tables, wipe off the dirt, clean up the mess, wash the dishes, and all sort of cleaning stuff. I wished we just partied at Yume's house, or maybe at the house she built next to our onsen. It's really big, has 6 floors, complete with bedrooms enough for people, toilets in each room, large dining rooms, living rooms, kitchens, gym, computer room, a gaming room, a studio where you can make movies, produce songs and paint; plasma TVs with cable channels, life-size fridge, stoves used for big restaurants, large and long tables, computers, elegant stairs and lots of things a real celebrity can have on his or her house. They even have a garage that can hold up to 150 cars in total. It covers up a whole floor or maybe a basement at least. It also has a back yard that has a pool, a fishing pond, a sand pit, an open spa, a fountain, a tennis court, a basketball court and a greenhouse full of flowers. It looks like a hotel, even people mistaken it as a hotel. So Yume made a reception like the ones you see at a hotel. She also let people sleep on that house (I mean, mansion) for free! She's really a nice girl, that's why HoroHoro, Ren, Lyserg and Hao liked her.  
  
Speaking of Hao, maybe he (A/N: Muntikan ko nang matype na she…) liked Yume because she's a really good shaman. She's not only a shaman, but she's kind of like the kick-butt women I see at movies at in videogames. Her specialty is kung fu fighting like the Charlie's Angels, and shaman guns like 9mm handguns of Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. She's pretty and cute too. Everything that a boy wants is all in her.  
  
But the only problem is, Anna's her cousin. They may be the same in some features. She can be cold sometimes. When she doesn't like a certain person, she annoys him or her. And she's good at slapping too.  
  
I finished washing the clothes. Now I need to clean the rooms upstairs. I opened the door to Anna's room. As usual, her room is meticulously tidy and organized. I proceeded to HoroHoro's previously used room. He doesn't really stay here, but sometimes, Yume's hotel can get full and he needed to stay here for a while.  
  
I entered his room. It's all messy, as I expected. I picked the clothes scattered on the floor and put it on his futon. I opened the cabinet. Lots of stuff fell over me. I picked it all up again and put it back inside the cabinet. As I put it all back up, I realized that I was already holding his disc man with a CD inside.  
  
Whoa, I said to myself. I can't believe he can afford something this expensive. But maybe he just had gotten it as a gift from someone, Yume or Tamao on particular. I opened the disc man and saw that it was the CD he bought a week ago.  
  
I looked around to see if somebody's around or Anna's looking. The coast is clear, I thought. I turned on the disc man and put it on Track 13. The music started…  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
  
(Caught in the undertow/ Just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow/ Just caught in the undertow)  
  
I saw a flashback of how a met Anna… And I saw myself doing all her trainings… It was hard to see it… She was trying to make me powerful to become the Shaman King… But she was only doing it because her dream was to become the wife of the future Shaman King…  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more awake  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart right in front you  
  
(Caught in the undertow/ Just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow/ Just caught in the undertow)  
  
And every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
I just realized it… Why did Anna me chose as her fiancée? Why me? There are lots of boys out there… And every mistake that I made on my training was driving her mad… She's always making me do what she wants me to be… She made me work so hard… I want to be the Shaman King, but I don't need to do such hard trainings…  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more awake  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
And I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you  
  
But it doesn't mean Anna doesn't care for me… She made trainings for me because she wanted me to be strong… She looked so worried when I entered the cave in order to get stronger… I saw it on her eyes… She even tried to get to me to give me the book… She did all she can do to make me strong…  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more awake  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be?  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be?  
  
The song ended… I felt really numb… HoroHoro sure picked a good CD. But then, as I turned around, I saw Anna at the door of the room. Uh-oh, I thought. This is trouble…  
  
Anna: *coldly* What are you listening to?  
  
Yoh: Uummm… *innocently* HoroHoro's newly bought CD?  
  
She picked up the disc man from me and opened it to take a look on the CD.  
  
Anna: I can't believe he can afford something like this… Now better keep going. You still need to cook food.  
  
She walked towards the door. But I called her. She looked back at me.  
  
Anna: What?  
  
Yoh: Uh… Anna, I want to thank you.  
  
Anna: *looking at him disbelievingly* What for?  
  
Yoh: For making me strong enough to become the Shaman King. I know it was really hard Anna, but you cared for me. I know that…  
  
I walked towards her and I move my face closer to hers.  
  
Yoh: I love you, Anna…  
  
Then I kissed her on the lips. She looked at me, surprised. I just smiled at her and went out of the room to cook food for her.  
  
I can't believe it!!!! I made a Yoh/Anna fic!! Can you belebet?! Well next time people. 


	3. Need ideas

Hello once again people!! I'm running out of ideas. Can you suggest me of some songs that you know that fits some Mankin characters??? If you have one, don't hesitate to review. I have Ren's Crawling, Hao's In The End, Yoh and Hao centric's Lying From You, Ryu's A Place For My Head, Lyserg's Somewhere I Belong, Nyorai's From The Inside, Manta's Breaking The Habit and Session (even though it doesn't have lyrics, it show's some hints of the future fic). Remember, don't hesitate to review!! 


	4. Crawling in my skin

Hello, it's been a long time since I had updated. I wrote Ren's fic first. I really can't wait to do Lyserg's yet (for your information, he's not my fave character, it's just that it's easier to do his fic). It's really hard to search for some songs but good news, I found one for Faust and Manta. This one's kinda short. Sorry to all you Ren fans (I'm not a Ren fan, I'm the one and only HoroHoro and Joey fan!!!!)  
  
Here it goes...  
  
~~Ren's POV~~  
  
It's been a hard day. But then, training helps me a lot in many ways like getting more powerful and getting away from idiots and the itako.  
  
I went inside the house next to the onsen after my training. I need to get some relaxation, I thought. I went to my room, to the kitchen, towards the fridge and took out a bottle of milk. I drank it.  
  
They always make fun of me whenever they saw me drink milk. I just remembered their jokes...  
  
~~FLASHBACK~~  
  
I was at a party in the onsen. Everybody was there, all my friends. They all sat down beside Chocoluv (the joking idiot...). I really don't want to sit there but I was forced to, by HoroHoro.  
  
HoroHoro: Hey, Ren! Come over and sit here!  
  
Ren: *blushes* I-I don't want to.  
  
HoroHoro: C'mon, Chocoluv's leaving for America. It's the last time we hear his jokes. You know, his jokes are getting better.  
  
So no choice. I sat beside him. I can't stand blushing. I wished he didn't saw it, but worse, was Yume. She was looking at me with narrowed eyes. I wasn't supposed now to fall for him, even though I am. It's not that Yume was jealous, but I agreed with her that now HoroHoro picked his girlfriend Tamao Tamamura, I should look forward to another girl. They kept pairing me with Pirika, HoroHoro's younger sister (A/N: Just like Joey Wheeler's younger sister!! Serenity!!). I don't know if she likes me, but she always shy towards me. She's currently at Hokkaido. HoroHoro nudged me on the elbow. Chocoluv was about to start his jokes. I closed my eyes and hoped that he's not going to go telling jokes about me.  
  
Chocoluv: Oi, Ren!  
  
Uh-oh, I thought.  
  
Ren: What, dumb-head?  
  
Everybody laughed except for him. I smirked. If he's going to get me, I'll get him first.  
  
Chocoluv: Wow, I can see it's getting taller!  
  
Woah! That's the smartest thing he said!  
  
Chocoluv: *grinned* It's really getting taller!! Spiky is getting taller!!  
  
Ren: Who's Spiky?  
  
Chocoluv: The spiky thingy on the back of your head!!  
  
Everybody laughed except for me. I felt the heat rose on my face. What's next? The shark joke?  
  
Chocoluv: HoroHoro!  
  
HoroHoro: Yeah!  
  
Chocoluv: Did you know how Ren got his Spiky?  
  
HoroHoro: How?  
  
Chocoluv: Actually, Ren was raised by a shark underwater!  
  
Everybody laughed again.   
  
~~END OF FLASHBACK~~  
  
Those jokes still gave me a sick feeling on the stomach. I hate it. I really don't wanna think about it this time. Maybe I could watch TV or listen to radio. I went to the living room. I saw HoroHoro sitting on the couch, eating prawn crackers and watching a cartoon. What a childish person.  
  
Ren: What's that?  
  
HoroHoro: Spongebob Squarepants. You wanna watch. It's really funny. Hahahahahahaha... look, he's eating his shoe...  
  
Really. A sponge eating his shoe. An idiot would watch that.  
  
Ren: No thanks. I'll just listen to the radio.  
  
HoroHoro: Alright... Just one request.  
  
Ren: What?  
  
HoroHoro: Can you please put on headphones? I'm kinda hooked up on this show. Kinda long. It's 12:00 up to 3:00.  
  
Ren: Alright.  
  
I turned around and went to my room again. I opened the radio, put the headphones on and the CD I borrowed from HoroHoro yesterday. I put it on Track 5. The music started...  
  
Crawling in my skin   
  
Consuming all I feel   
  
Fear is how I fall   
  
Confusing what is real   
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface   
  
Consuming/Confusing   
  
This lack of self-control I fear is never-ending   
  
Controlling/I can't seem   
  
I had always been hated my father, since the day I knew him... he killed people, but still kept quoting that our family was good... he killed people because he wanted kyonshis to protect the family... he was so stupid... he didn't trust his family... even his own son... when I learned that I was a shaman, I trained and trained to become the Shaman King, in order to defeat him... he made me cold-hearted, even my older sister Jun... he didn't care... maybe he wasn't a father after all... he might be a kyonshi... no heart, no soul...  
  
To find myself again   
  
My walls are closing in   
  
[Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced   
  
That there's just too much pressure to take]   
  
I've felt this way before   
  
So insecure   
  
My desire of beating my father was up the rate... I even had to kill people who gets in my way... I was too confident at first... I know I could defeat any shaman that gets in my way... But I was wrong... I made a mistake that made me walk a few inches away from being the Shaman King... I was defeated by another shaman, and his name was Yoh... At my first sight of him, I thought he was just an airy person, never thought of any fear and too weak to face anybody... When I saw him, I had a feeling my dreams maybe too far away to reach from my own hands, and he was taking away that dream from me... So I faced him many times... Lost and won, but still defeated... I thought I was losing hope... Maybe because I was fearless... I was in pressure...  
  
Crawling in my skin   
  
Consuming all I feel   
  
Fear is how I fall   
  
Confusing what is real  
  
I always thought that Yoh Asakura was the only shaman that can beat me... But I was wrong again... I was defeated by HoroHoro, his friend... No, he didn't beat me on a battle... He beat me because he had no problems with his family, even with his friends... He made friends with Yoh easily... He was an idiot... But he has a heart... He may act first before he thinks, other than that he was still a good person... And he has a great love for nature... He wanted to be the Shaman King because he wanted to help his people, the Ainu tribe... He wants to make a vast land of coltsfoot (A/N: Sheeesh... I dunno if that's correct) so that the Koropokkuru can continue to live... As the days go by, I continue to know his own life... He had a younger sister who shares his dream and loves him much more than a brother... He had a sacred spirit and with that he can control the nature... But those were really not that important... The thing that bothered me when we were together with Yoh and the others is that I don't know if I was falling for him... Everytime I look at him, I can't take my eyes off him... When he's in trouble, I tried to save him... I even recruited him as a team mate, even Chocoluv so that they wouldn't think something's wrong with me... I kept blushing whenever I see him at Christmas day because he was smiling a lot than usual... I even almost fell for his (5-minute younger) twin-brother... I was worried at him because he was alone and went looking for Kororo... I felt so hurt when I thought he died... (A/N: All according to my fic. But I won't put them in yet coz I haven't wrote it)... I felt relieved that he was alive... I was heart-broken when I learned the truth about him and Tamao Tamamura... It was my fear that he will know the truth about how I felt for him...  
  
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me   
  
Distracting/Reacting   
  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection   
  
It's haunting how I can't seem...   
  
Now that it's all over, there was nothing to do anyway... He knew the truth but he didn't reject me... He still accepted me as a friend... He was helping me to forget what I feel for him... But I still can't take it away from me... But I was wrong all over again... Pirika came to my aid... Maybe she could help me after all... I don't know if I feel something for her but I know that if I just hang with her a lot, maybe I could fall for her after all... So maybe I did fall for her for some time... She almost changed my mind when I saw her the first time... She didn't looked at me but someone's telling me that she's gonna change everything...  
  
To find myself again   
  
My walls are closing in   
  
[Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced   
  
That there's just too much pressure to take]   
  
I've felt this way before   
  
So insecure  
  
Crawling in my skin   
  
Consuming all I feel   
  
Fear is how I fall   
  
Confusing what is real   
  
Crawling in my skin  
  
Consuming all I feel  
  
Fear is how I fall  
  
Confusing/ Confusing what is real  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
  
Consuming/Confusing what is real  
  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
  
Controlling/ Confusing what is real  
  
The song ended... That was so different. I can't believe I had those thoughts kept for a long time...  
  
Suddenly, HoroHoro opened the door to my room.  
  
HoroHoro: Pirika called.  
  
Ren: Really?  
  
HoroHoro: Yeah. She asked if you were OK. I told her that you are.  
  
Ren: Is there anything more important than that?  
  
HoroHoro: Well she said she's going to stay here. She'll be coming after a week.  
  
I smiled.  
  
Ren: I can't hardly wait.  
  
FINISHED!! That was close... I never written that long. Well, next time. 


	5. In the end, it doesn't even matter

**I need to update more sooner because school days are one week ahead of me. This time, it's Hao. Remember, people, R&R!!**

**(I always forget my Disclaimers…)**

**~~Hao's POV~~**

**I can't believe I'm still alive… I know I committed suicide in front of only one person, and he didn't tell it to anybody. I wished he told his friends of what had happened to me, after all Yoh was his friend.**

**But why does it have to be like this? Do I really still need to live? Did God give me a chance to change? Why do people still have to hate me? And why did somebody save me? I'm already killing myself. I was hurt badly. I was just alone in the middle of the desert when that day happened. I was really supposed to die. If I did die, nobody will ever bother me again. I wouldn't do all this terrible stuff. I'm just lucky, that's all. I have faithful henchmen with me, those who are alive… like Mari. She saved me. She brought me here, took care of me and she didn't even thought of leaving me here. She was nice to me. I hope she would cut off her "Master" expression to me, like I own her or something.**

**Because of that, I'm here, sitting on a bench, looking to typical humans everywhere and just did nothing. It's BORING. I hope I could do something. Then, a rushing of footsteps attracted my attention. I looked around to se where it was.**

**Geez, it was only Mari… She was carrying a big radio at her shoulder and she was running towards me.**

**Mari: HAO-SAMA!! (A/N: That was really hard to type!!!)**

**She stopped in front of me, panting. She put the radio beside me.**

**Mari: Sorry, Hao-sama. I took you so long.**

**Hao: *smiles* It's alright, Mari. Sit here beside me.**

**Mari: *blushes* No thanks, Hao-sama. I'd rather stand here.**

**Hao: But you're blocking the foot path, actually…**

**Mari: Oh sorry… Do I really have to sit beside you, Hao-sama?**

**Hao: Sure, why not?**

**Mari smiled and sat down beside me. She turned on the radio.**

**Hao: Is that battery powered?**

**Mari: Yup, Hao-sama. What station do you like to listen?**

**Hao: Where do you usually listen to then?**

**Mari: Well, 97.1? Their music is cool. (A/N: I just made up that radio station…) Is it OK to you, Hao-sama?**

**Hao: It's OK, as long as it is cool.**

**She tuned the radio to the station she mentioned. There was a man talking.**

***Voice on the radio*: Hello, dudes out there!! It's your host, DJ Braggy!! (A/N: I told you he's just a make up!!!)**

**Mari: Yay! DJ Braggy!! …Oh, sorry, Hao-sama…**

**Hao: It's alright, Mari.**

**DJ Braggy: We sure have loads of request coming here!! But before we move on, all those people who are listening and haven't requested anything yet, just send your SMS or call up our hot line!! The hot line is 9458-6352 and the SMS line is 09488325!! Get that? Alright, let's start on with the show… This letter comes from Tuesday, one of our listeners!! Hear that Tuesday?! You're on air again! How lucky you are!! Now I'm going to read your letter… "Dear DJ Braggy, Hello! It's me again, Tuesday!! I really like your show, your station and you!! You really rock!!..." Why thank you Tuesday! We hope we rock for other people too! "…I hope I could get on air with you guys. I really hope I can! But my family is short of money so I don't think I could…" How sad… *sniff* don't worry Tuesday!! We'll help you with that!**

**Hao: What a guy…**

**DJ Braggy: "…Something I would really want is a request granted from you guys! I wish you could play "In The End" by my favorite band LP!! I love them so much!! Please play it!! I hope you will do that for me, guys! I LOVE YOU!!! Loves and kisses, from Tuesday, your no. 1 listener…" Thank you very much, Tuesday!! We love you too! Because of that, we're going to play your request from our hearts. Here is your request, Tuesday!!**

**(It starts with) **

**One thing / I don't know why**

**It doesn't even matter how hard you try**

**Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme**

**To explain in due time**

**All I know**

**Time is a valuable thing**

**Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings**

**Watch it count down to the end of the day**

**The clock ticks life away**

**It's so unreal**

**Didn't look out below**

**Watch the time go right out the window**

**Trying to hold on / but didn't even know**

**Wasted it all just to**

**Watch you go**

**I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart**

**What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when**

**_Yes, he was right… I tried and tried… I tried to become the Shaman King… I was so confident… I even killed people who might get in my way… I helped time get people away from this world… But I wasted it… In fact, it helped many people… They were saved because I had lost everything… My dreams… My powers… my henchmen which I consider as friends… Even my one true love…_**

**I tried so hard**

**And got so far**

**But in the end**

**It doesn't even matter**

**I had to fall**

**To lose it all**

**But in the end**

**It doesn't even matter**

**_I really tried… It was so hard and got so far I was almost an inch away from my victory… But someone took it away… Not Yoh… But his friend… I didn't now he can beat me in a pulp… He made me kill myself, for good… In the end, I lost… I had to fall, to lose it all… Because I was defeated… I'm no longer powerful… If I went on I could have been hurt more by the truth that everybody hates me… But maybe it doesn't really matter, with somebody around?..._**

**One thing / I don't know why**

**It doesn't even matter how hard you try**

**Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme**

**To remind myself how**

**I tried so hard**

**In spite of the way you were mocking me**

**Acting like I was part of your property**

**Remembering all the times you fought with me**

**I'm surprised it got so (far) **

**Things aren't the way they were before**

**You wouldn't even recognize me anymore**

**Not that you knew me back then**

**But it all comes back to me**

**In the end**

**You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart**

**What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when **

**_Maybe he wasn't mocking me, or like he owns me… He made me feel worse… It might be worst… I've never had fallen like this throughout my whole life… But Mari and the others helped me… They gave up  their lives in order to reach my dreams… Then I accidentally faked my death just because I didn't know I was still alive, even though I was badly injured… Now I live a normal life, like what humans do… It was nicer than I thought… My enemies didn't even bother me anymore… Even Mari was surprised that I was actually enjoying my life… Now all my failures are coming back to me like nightmares whenever I sleep…_**

**I tried so hard**

**And got so far**

**But in the end**

**It doesn't even matter**

**I had to fall**

**To lose it all**

**But in the end**

**It doesn't even matter**

**I've put my trust in you**

**Pushed as far as I can go**

**And for all this**

**There's only one thing you should know**

**I've put my trust in you**

**Pushed as far as I can go**

**And for all this**

**There's only one thing you should know**

**_I had laid my trust to only one person and only one… It was Mari… She cared for me, like she loved me… She helped me to fulfill my dreams… She did more than my henchmen… She saved my life… And because of that, I'm here… Enjoying my life…_**

**I tried so hard**

**And got so far**

**But in the end**

**It doesn't even matter**

**I had to fall**

**To lose it all**

**But in the end**

**It doesn't even matter**

**_Maybe it really doesn't matter… Living a life like this is more enjoyable… Even though it's boring, but I'm safe and sound… With Mari_**

****

**DJ Braggy: Wow, LP sure rocks!! Tuesday has a good taste for music!! Now let's move on to the next request…**

**Mari: Did you like it, Hao-sama?**

**Hao: Yeah, it was a nice song. I feel better.**

**Mari: Good to hear that, Hao-sama! Breathing some fresh air is really good for you!**

**Hao: I think so. I just remembered Yoh and his friends.**

**Mari: Hao-sama, is it bothering you again?**

**Hao: No, Mari. I just feel like I miss them.**

**Mari: Really? You're such a nice guy, Hao-sama. I feel like I even miss them too!**

**Nice guy? Very funny, Mari.**

**That ends his POV. Just to remind you guys that those numbers are just made up. Don't call them, alright? See ya.**


	6. Lying my way from you

**I changed the title of the fic again. I just always get frustrated because it really doesn't fit so I always change it. But I promise this last one is the last time I'll change the title. PROMISE!**

**~~Yoh's POV~~**

Another day of cleaning. I really tried to explain to Anna that I just cleaned the household yesterday! Gee, it's always like she has visitors. I hate it when she thinks of that.

There was only one improvement in the household. Since HoroHoro and the others aren't staying here for a while, I had some reasonable excuses to Anna so I wouldn't clean the house. Sometimes she would let me relax for a day (except for cooking food, which IS a disaster), mostly not.

Anna walked towards me. She was going to say something.

Yoh: What do you want me to do?

Anna: I checked the house. I guess you wouldn't have to clean today.

Yoh: But I haven't finished yet—

Anna: *in a menacingly cold voice* I told you not to clean, didn't I?

Yoh: *looking frightened* Ahhh… y-yes…

Anna: Then just do whatever you want.

Yoh: OK.

I returned the broom to the cupboard.

Anna: And Yoh—

Yoh: Yeah?

Anna: You don't have to cook food. Cousin and the others are coming over.

Yoh: Alright.

I'm relieved. This is the most beautiful day I ever had!!

I went outside to the backyard. Just next door was the house my friends use to live. I can see the room where Lyserg was supposed to stay, before he went to England for some detective tests. Now there was somebody occupying the room. Maybe a visitor.

I saw HoroHoro and Ren playing tennis in the tennis court. I called them.

Yoh: Hey!! Ren!! Horo!! Over here!

HoroHoro: 'Lo, Yoh! How is it goin'? (A/N: **CREDITS TO MY IDIOTIC CLASSMATES WHO KEPT BUGGING ME, ****NAM****ELY MOE AND JULES *NO OFFENCE!*)**

Ren: Still cleaning for Anna?

Yoh: No.

HoroHoro: Surprising. Are you still going to cook food?

Yoh: *grinned* No. Yume and her big bro are coming over.

Ren: How come you didn't say so? We never knew Yume's bro.

HoroHoro: Me too. But she always told me that her Onii-chan is a nice person.

Yoh: How about you guys come over here? Let's have a cup of tea. (A/N: **MORE CREDITS!!!!!!!)**

Ren/Horo: Nice idea.

HoroHoro: We're just going to change and be there in no time.

Ren: See ya.

Yoh: *waved* See ya!

They went inside the house. I smiled and waited for them to come here. In the meantime, I'm just going to relax. I can here Anna listening to the radio. Then I just recognized the song she was listening to above me. It was one of the tracks in HoroHoro's CD. Maybe she borrowed it from him, blushing furiously. She supposed to like Horo too, but I'm not jealous of him. Anyways, Anna is still my fiancée. No matter what, she's going to be married to me and be mine (A/N: HEEHEEHEEHEE!!!). I wonder what's Hao's expression? Hehehehehe… I bet he's jealous.

I'm bored. I yawned and slowly closed my eyes. I was drifting to sleep…

**~~DREAM~~**

What am I doing here? It's all dark… I can't see a thing… But I can still hear Anna playing the 4th track… The song started… Suddenly, big blurry moving pictures appeared in front of me… I just realized, it was my thoughts…

**When I pretend**

**Everything is what I want it to be**

**I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see**

**When I pretend**

**I can forget about the criminal I am**

**Stealing ****second after second**** just cause I know I can / but**

**I can't pretend this is the way it will stay / I'm just**

**Trying to bend the truth**

**I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be **

**So I'm **

**Lying my way from you **

_I saw myself regretting everything Hao wanted to do… I was supposed to be his twin younger brother, I know that… But the only reason why he wanted to be the Shaman King is to dominate the world of humans and make a world only for powerful shamans… He's stupid; he also wanted to take Anna away from me…_

**[No / no turning back now]**

**I wanna be pushed aside **

**So let me go**

**[No / no turning back now]**

**Let me take back my life **

**I'd rather be all alone**

**[No turning back now]**

**Anywhere on my own**

**Cause I can see**

**[No / no turning back now]**

**The very worst part of you **

**Is me**

_I don't want him to take over me… If he lets me choose to be with him or be alone, I'd rather be alone, with no friends, nobody who cares about me… I don't want him to manipulate me, use me for his own evil ways… He may be my older brother but he's my worst part…_

**I remember what they taught to me**

**Remember condescending talk of who i ought to be**

**Remember listening to all of that and this again**

**So i pretended up a person who was fitting in**

**And now you think this person really is me and I'm**

**[Trying to bend the truth]**

**But the more i push **

**The more I'm pulling away **

**'cause I'm lying my way from you **

_He let me learn all his powers inside his book… But he was only doing this so he could use me… Even my friends… I showed him that I didn't do that to rejoin him… I did that to show him that I'm not a puppet… But my own friend did that for me… He was more powerful than me… He changed a lot… So I just looked like I was just helping him… But I thought he was just doing that for people who want Hao to banish from this world… He was doing that to avenge his own family… _

**[No / no turning back now]**

**I wanna be pushed aside **

**So let me go**

**[No / no turning back now]**

**Let me take back my life **

**I'd rather be all alone**

**[No turning back now]**

**Anywhere on my own**

**Cause i can see**

**[No / no turning back now]**

**The very worst part of you **

**Is me **

**This isn't what i wanted to be**

**I never thought that what i said **

**Would have you running from me**

**Like this **

**This isn't what i wanted to be**

**I never thought that what i said **

**Would have you running from me**

**Like this **

**This isn't what i wanted to be**

**I never thought that what i said **

**Would have you running from me**

**Like this **

**This isn't what i wanted to be**

**I never thought that what i said **

**Would have you running from me**

**Like this **

**[No / no turning back now]**

**I wanna be pushed aside **

**So let me go**

**[No / no turning back now]**

**Let me take back my life **

**I'd rather be all alone**

**[No turning back now]**

**Anywhere on my own**

**Cause i can see**

**[No / no turning back now]**

**The very worst part of you **

**Is me **

**The very worst part of you**

**The very worst part of you **

**Is me**

_Hao is my worst part, and will always be…_

**~~End of Dream~~**

I woke up from my dream. I felt cold sweat on my face. Then I realized Anna was calling me.

Anna: Yoh!! Come here!!

Yoh: Wait!

I went inside our house to talk to Anna. She was holding a little piece of paper.

Yoh: What's with that piece of paper?

Anna: Our guests are here. Can you go to the market and buy these?

Yoh: Sure.

Anna: You can go with Yume's ol' bro, if you want.

Yoh: Nice idea.

Anna: I'll call him.

She went inside the guests' room. I followed her. I saw Yume and her big brother sitting down. Yume saw me and smiled.

Yume: *smiled* Hello, Yoh-kun! How are ya?

Yoh: *smiled back* Fine.

Yume: This is my Onii-chan, Shinichi (A/N: Of course Yume is a Kudo!!!!). Onii-chan, this is Yoh-kun.

Shinichi: Hello.

Yoh: Hello. Anna said if you can come with me to the market to buy—

Shinichi: S'alright. I'll come.

Yoh: Thanks.

I went outside the room and saw that Ren and Horo came already.

HoroHoro: Hey, Yoh!

Yoh: Hello! Wanna come with me to the market with Shinichi?

Ren: Sure.

HoroHoro: But why?

Yoh: The more, the merrier! By the way, this is Yume's big bro.

HoroHoro: Hello, dude.

Ren: *nods*

Shinichi: Hello. Do you think we should go?

All: Yeah, sure!

I didn't realize that it was a big day, too.

**~~~~~~**

**Finished!! Sorry it's not to long. It took me hard to write his thoughts. I'll try harder next time.**


End file.
